Wednesday, March 24, 2010

One Year to the Day

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

It has been over four months since my last post, but today I feel it appropriate to post again. One year ago today, while I was in the shower--simply getting ready, going through my morning routine before heading off to work--I found a lump, and a very large lump at that, in my left breast. That discovery led to a whirlwind eight month journey (which I foolishly believed would take 5 months when I set out on it), which finally came to a close in November 2009.

Now, on the first anniversary of my "lump day," I find myself afraid again. This time it is not the unknown I fear, but repitition.

Tomorrow, I will go on for my first round of follow-up testing--a mammogram and an ultrasound. I have had two physical breast exams since the completion of my treatment, but other than that, I have been largely under my own care. This is scary. For months I saw doctors, nurses, and healthcare professionals on a weekly, semi-weekly, or even daily basis. To have not been under the constant care of a doctor in the last four months is intimidating, to say the least, as I head into this round of testing.

Compounding my stress and fear is a completely irrational line of thinking, which I, for reasons unbeknownst to me, continue to entertain. I have this recurring thought that since tomorrow is the beginning of a brand new year (if I start counting with the beginning of my cancer battle) and that it could be the beginning of a brand new cancer battle. I can't expel the thought. I'm trying...I swear.

All this leads me to once again humbly ask for your prayers, thoughts, and well-wishes when I go in tomorrow. If you're one of those people who likes to get specific, I would request that you pray for a clean bill of health--no calcifications or blooms on the mammogram and no dark spots on the ultrasound. If you like to keep it vague and all-encompassing, please just hope and pray for continued health and wellness for me.

My love and appreciation as always!

9 comments:

  1. Prayers and good thoughts headed your way! I am so proud of you. Keep us updated on how tomorrow goes.

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  2. You have always had my prayers and good wishes. But, tomorrow I will be especially diligent and ernest (and specific).
    Love
    Dad

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  3. Oh, and I send my best....er, THE best. I am sending your mother. She is worth two of me.:-)
    Dad

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  4. I'll be cheering for you from CA! :)

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  5. You are always in our prayers and we will be on our knees lifting you up tomorrow. Fear of the unknown is the worst kind of fear because the mind can conjure up too many thoughts. So, I am also praying for God's peace to envelop you starting right now.
    Stephanie & Dan

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  6. ellyn in saint louieMarch 24, 2010 at 7:02 PM

    I am thinking of you and hope and pray that all will be well with you.
    Those fleeting thoughts you were having occur sometimes and you put these feelings into your blog. Not only will this help you, but most of all will help so many others who will read it. (I have a friend at the beginning of her journey who is reading your blog)
    Just think of spring time, and your family and friends that love you and support you, think cheery thoughts and know all will be fine.

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  7. Melynda in East TexasMarch 24, 2010 at 10:45 PM

    Hi Megan,

    You don't know me, but I have kept up with you from Steph on MyBeachBoard. My prayers are going up for you from East Texas for God's peace and a clean bill of health! God Bless You.
    Sincerely,
    Melynda in East Texas

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  8. Praying for Strength for you tomorrow... You ARE A SURVIVOR! You can do this... I will walk this way with you until you are confident in your own steps...
    Hugs!
    JULIA

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  9. Just had lunch with your dad and heard you were smiling today. Love you, kathy and chris

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