1/5 down...

Thursday, October 1, 2009

First, happy October. Second, I'm 1/5 of the way through radiation treatment. I'm 7 treatments down and 28 to go.

It's fall and the leaves are beginning to turn. As the leaves begin to fall away, I can't help but equate my cancer journey with the turning of the seasons.

In the spring, as the new growth began, a tumor was growing in my body.

As the summer heat poured into open doors and windows, and roasting humans ran into air conditioned homes to escape the discomfort...hot to cold, hot to cold...so went my chemo. From extreme discomfort to feeling almost normal, and back again...I pivoted between chemo on and off weeks.

Now, as the fall comes, all that spring and summer had to offer is falling away--my cancer is falling away.

I'm in the final stage of treatment and this experience is fading. The flurry of phone calls, cards, and letters has stopped. The phrase, "I have cancer," has left my vocabulary because, in all technicality, I no longer HAVE cancer.

For six months, no matter how hard I tried to avoid it, cancer dominated my life and controlled my existence. Now, as that period of my life begins to fade away, I find myself temporarily floundering--searching for how I move past this and resume some sort of normalcy. I'm working on it...but for now, I seem to be alternating between elation, frustration, and maintaining the status quo...

Let me stop right there. I apologize. This post was reflective at best, self-indulgent at worst, and the moment has passed. The effervescent, perky optimist will return with the next post...I assure you. For now, goodnight and thank goodness the weekend is near! TGIF!