Friday, April 10, 2009

The End of Ambiguity

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

11:00am: Despite the fact that it was the phone call I had been anticipating for days, when the phone actually rang, it scared the bejeezus out of me. I ran outside, my coworkers looking on somewhat confused, and took the call. It was my surgeon on the other end of the line, "Good morning, Megan, I'm afraid I don't have good news for you today."

I listened, tried to hold it together, and set an appointment to meet with him to discuss "options" the following morning. A friend of mine commented that news like that should not be simply given over the phone, but I have to say, I appreciated the time to mourn and come to grips with the news before being forced into a tiny room with a doctor, a nurse, my husband, my mother, and my father to discuss that same news again.

11:15am: I hung up and as soon as I could be understood through the crying, I called my mother, my husband, and Kristen (that best friend that knows you so well that somehow she ALWAYS knows how to make it better). One by one, they launched to action. My mother left work, packed up my father and luggage suitable for a visit of indefinite length, and set out for the five and a half hour drive to reach me (it took them eight hours, but I know that the urgency was there in spirit!). My dearest husband, Joe, left work immediately as well, to reach me as soon as he was able, and Kristen got up, walked out of a meeting that she was leading, left her office, and was by my side within 15 minutes.

11:30am: Kristen, knowing me as she does, suggested sushi and margaritas on the Plaza. Excellent choice. Joe met us there and it was a fine distraction as I mulled over the term "invasive ductal carcinoma" over and over in my head. Following lunch, Joe, knowing me as he does, took me to Super Target. Yes, I have an obsession with Super Target and I find that an hour or so of wandering through the aisles fantasizing about all possible uses for the items in the "As Seen on TV" aisle can be the highlight of anyone's day. From Target, it was off to a movie, a comedy of course, before finally heading home.

10:00pm: By the end of the day, Kristen had gone to work to get me an appointment with one of the premier breast cancer oncologists in the area, my mind was not quite as swimmy--I had resolved myself that this was going to be okay in the end, and my parents had finally arrived.

Tomorrow would be another day, the first day of April. A new month was beginning, a new battle, and a new reality for myself, my family, and friends. The most daunting thought--telling people. There is no "right" reaction. There is NOTHING appropriate to say or do and there are no expectations on my end. The outpouring of positivity and support that I have received thus far is more than I could ask for. Keep it comin'! I'm gonna need it! :)

1 comment:

  1. Sending you loads more positivity and support your way. Love your mantra "Serenity, courage, and wisdom. Prayer for the rest"...I developed one too "keep me safe and help me heal" that provided great comfort and calm during the more difficult times.
    If you ever want to chat, I am only a keyboard away. - Renee